I really would like somebody to speak with...

[Ian Marshall]

Hello, 
My name is Ian, and I have a lot of questions and I am hoping that someone may be able to answer them.
 (I apologize for the long intro, I did not want to be too vague.)
Little bit of background: I have always had a very strong connection to canines, specifically wolves. Thinking back to when I was very young, about 4 or 5, I can remember feeling different, like I knew there was more to life than this body.
My mother had wolfdogs, some almost 98% wolf, which I spent a LOT of time around as a child. I was never afraid, even with our most troubled female, Jaidas, who actually bit my father's arm, but she never even snapped at me. I would lay down and take naps with them outside if the weather was nice and I loved when my mother would lead them all in a howl, of course I always joined in. 
Around 6 years old is when I became convinced I could turn into a wolf because I had done so in my dreams. I rejected my human existence, choosing to walk on all fours, eat meat (I was raised vegetarian) howl, bark and growl whenever I pleased. My parents put up with it, assuming I was just a normal kid with a bit of a wild side. Then school happened. I had never been bullied so horribly. I remember a few times, very early on in grade school in which I growled at kids for making fun of me or calling me "werewolf" or other names to make me feel like a 'freak' but reacting as a wolf would got me nothing but more bullying and more mean kids taunting me any time they saw me drawing a picture of a wolf or a dog. 
Eventually, about the next year or so, I stopped expressing my 'wolf' side outside of my home. I tried to be as normal as I could, and I wish I could say it helped. It just seemed the older we all got, the meaner they all were, especially if I showed any signs of being something other than human. After a few more years, the dreams stopped too. I was extremely sad when that happened, that's when I first had the recurring dream of being a human, alone, sleeping in a pile of garbage in an alley in a town by the beach. This dream was a huge source of sadness and confusion for years, until when I was 17 it finally stopped. I still don't understand it.
I felt almost as if I had become something else; I have, in fact, but not in that way. I'm transgender, and now, almost 3 years into my transition, I feel as if something is missing. Not in the physical sense, because now that part is congruent with most of my brain, but the sense that there was this sort of emptiness in my soul that just seemed to eat away at me.
It wasn't until after I had had almost a year to really focus on myself that I sort of started to feel like a huge part of my existence wasn't there anymore, I had totally abandoned any idea of this feeling being anything other than mental illness or some childish longing to be something freer than this human form. As of the past three or so months, the dreams have come back in flashes. I'll get a few seconds here and there of running through the woods, or drinking from a creek, or hunting, just little...wolf things. I was googling "becoming a wolf in a dream" when I stumbled upon the theories Otherkin and Therianthropy and just other people who have felt the way I do. At first, I balked at the idea. I thought it was just something made up by tumblr. kiddies to get attention (all I saw at first was mostly furries, fictives and people trolling them, forgive my initial narrow-mindedness) After a LOT more reading and researching, I have some questions which I sincerely hope someone can answer:

1. Is there any way that I am just mental and if so, should I seek help? 

2. Why would this feeling return after I have started my transition? My physical body is fine, but my soul feels damaged.

3. My mother is already very unhappy with me about transitioning, should I even mention these feelings to her if it so happens that I am a Therian?

4. I don't want to be treated like some trendy social network junkie, I honestly didn't know that such a vast majority of Therians identify as wolf until yesterday. Please be honest, is it something I should ignore so this doesn't happen? (I know that probably sounds ignorant, but I don't know anything but what I have read and a lot of people are extremely hurtful towards the Otherkin/Therian community, and I don't want to be bullied more than I was in school...)

Thank you for reading,
I sincerely await your respons(es)

Ian M.

[Deleted]

Hi, my advice would be to join the forum so it's easier for you to access information and ask questions.

It's important to remember that while you may not identify as human, we are all physically human, so it's something that you'll have to accept, unfortunately. I don't think eating meat when you were raised vegetarian has much to do with being therian, it's most likely that you just wanted to eat meat. It's the same thing as someone being raised omnivore decided to turn vegetarian.

If you are genuinely concerned about your mental health then I'd strongly advise you to see a professional. No one here can tell you that you are or are not "mental". There are otherkin who believe that it's caused psychologically but their mental health is perfectly sound. I think almost everyone panics with that at some point in their othekrin discovery because it's trying to logically find a reason for 'why am I like this'.

I'm not trangender or a professional, so I can't answer your second question. It sounds like something you would need to contemplate on yourself.

Again, that's only something you can decide. If there's a safety issue or you're financially dependant on your mother and you know she'll strongly dislike it or throw you out or something, then it would probably be best not to tell her.

Also, I don't think the vast majority do identify as wolves to be honest. Yes, there are a lot, but there are also many different types of otherkin that people identify as. There's not been an official survey done either, so we really can't tell for sure

-Adara

[Deleted]

Hello and welcome.

It sounds like you are under going a lot at once. Take a step back and tell yourself to slow down and take it one day at a time. There are many people who have realized their inner being(s) and spend years adjusting and make new self discoveries. Don't put the idea in your head that you need to get this all at once and that's the end of it. Sadly, it doesn't work like that. Often the more human part of you is making you critical think about everything, because it's trying to find a more reasonable/logical solution behind this.

I think dreams always have some subconscious meaning to them. Although I wouldn't worry if they decided to stop. It sounds like there is a lot of stress in your life right now, and that could be why. Your connection to that inner being(s) is just strained right now. I suggest meditation once a day to clear those thoughts. Once you manage it better, those pleasant dream shifts will come back.

I have no idea what it is like to be transgender. So I can't give you help in that aspect of your life.

I think since everything is coming back all at once is because you have tried to suppress it. Maybe not intentionally, but now those hidden feelings, instincts, and thoughts are coming back. That's "could" be why you have this feeling of your soul being damaged. Just listen to what your heart says, because it's not going to be wrong. It's the mind that always evaluates things from a logical point of view. Take your time about the idea of Therianthropy and do some more research on your own time. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Once you put those pieces back together you should have a better grounding about yourself. Most places that have stuff like furries, RP forums, etc are not going to be places you will get those answers. Furries is like a trend as to theriathropy is more like a "culture". If that is the right word of it.

And once you think you have gathered enough of your own data and still feel like you need to talk to someone. I would do so. It can't hurt. Again, I am not you so it's up to your judgement about this. No one knows you better than yourself!

I hope this helps, and good luck with your quest.

[Seraphyna]

Hi! The guest board isn't meant to replace joining the forum. If you have such questions, I recommend joining it. We aren't here to invest serious time into answering questions from someone with no desire to be a part of the community. There is a ton of information on the forums that you do not have access to as a guest.

[Ian Marshall]

Thank you all for your responses, I really greatly appreciate them. I will more than likely end up joining, but I think from your advice I should continue researching and do some "soul searching" until I feel a little more at ease. This is a huge thing for me mentally, however I don't really feel as though I'm mentally ill (e.g. I function in normal society, yes, I live with my parents, but I work and drive, am unafraid to leave my house, have conversations with people, that sort of thing.) I suppose I just need to take a step back and try and figure things out a little more.
Thank you so very much, I really just felt alone and rather overwhelmed and needed someone to talk to, and although I know my situation might not really relate exactly to yours, I appreciate your thoughtful advice. I will definitely return if I find that I might belong in this community, but until I know for sure, I think I will practice meditating and read quite a bit more.
Thank you again,
Ian M.

[Kasumi Noxumbra]

Aug 14, 2015 23:14:28 GMT Ian Marshall said:

Thank you all for your responses, I really greatly appreciate them. I will more than likely end up joining, but I think from your advice I should continue researching and do some "soul searching" until I feel a little more at ease. This is a huge thing for me mentally, however I don't really feel as though I'm mentally ill (e.g. I function in normal society, yes, I live with my parents, but I work and drive, am unafraid to leave my house, have conversations with people, that sort of thing.) I suppose I just need to take a step back and try and figure things out a little more.
Thank you so very much, I really just felt alone and rather overwhelmed and needed someone to talk to, and although I know my situation might not really relate exactly to yours, I appreciate your thoughtful advice. I will definitely return if I find that I might belong in this community, but until I know for sure, I think I will practice meditating and read quite a bit more.
Thank you again,
Ian M.

Sorry late to the party, but I do have to second all that suggested you create an account as we have a good deal of guides and information that could be beneficial to you. Not to mention that here we actually have more than several members who are non-kin(people who feel they don't identify as anything and are just human).