How to deal with my parents?

[Stella]

I am a Christian. I have always been one and I an highly connected to my faith but I made that horrible mistake of telling my parents I was a wolf therian. Let me just say that didn't go over very well. They honestly thought I was crazy, downright losing my mind. I tried to explain it to them but they just don't listen. I explained that being a therian doesn't mean I cut myself off from my religion but when they said they understand I had a feeling they were just lying. Well that was comfirmed when my mom caught me snuggled in my wolf den last week. She gave me a disgusted look and stormed out of my room making me feel like complete crap and a waste of space. They forbid to wear my tail outside of the house which is horrible for me because I often sneak into the woods wearing my tail just to be myself for a little while. They told me I could wear my tail inside the house but whenever I do they give me looks and sigh.
Last night I drew the Therian symbol on my hand and went out to eat dinner where my mom joined my dad and I. Instantly she saw the symbol and sighed and said "What is that?" I lied not wanting to get the same crap I always do when I say it's related to Therian stuff. I said "Oh it's just a symbol I drew cause I was bored in class." So she responded with "What symbol is it?" I nearly lost it because she is always pestering me about questions and at the time I really didn't want to have that discussion of therian things with her because she never understands. So I simply said "Oh I don't know I just looked up symbols and it was the easiest symbol to draw. It's really cool!" Time passed and once I got home later that night after therapy she pulled me aside and "Do you know what that symbol is?" I said "Yes of course." She rolled her eyes and gave me a concerned look and said "It's demonic." I don't know what it is with her and demonic but she was convinced I drew a demonic symbol of Satan on my hand or something! I was like "UM mom it's not a demonic symbol." She sighed againa and said somewhat harshly "No it's demonic." That was when I lost it because of course as soon as she saw the symbol on my hand at dinner she immeditely went home and googled symbols and it came up with a similar demonic symbol. She always tries to consult google to answer her questions. I found out she googled (Why is my daughter a wolf therian? AND Everyday wolf therian lifestyle) I found that quite insulting because she won't understand no matter what! UGH Anyway. I lost it and yelled back at her "IT'S A THERIAN SYMBOL MOM!" She gave a disgusted look and said "You mean that wolf therian stuff you're into to?"
It greatly annoys me that she thinks this is just a PHASE! This is my identity! I indentify as a wolf and I hope that never ever changes in my entire life because this is who I am. I screamed at her and said "OF COURSE YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND!
Long story short she proceeded to guilt trip all last night and this morning by crying in front of me and saying how horrible she was. This wasn't what I was trying to get to so excuse my rant. I was just want to know how many other christian therians there are out there? And how do you cope with your parents?

[Deleted]

Well, obviously your first mistake was telling your parents. And its obvious that your repeated actions caused problems. What you should've learnt the first time is to stop telling them. You gave them signals about therianthropy which was also ignorant.

You can not reason with them and its not just Chirstian parents that can be hard headed, its most parents( mainly the ones that come from a certain era), it doesn't matter the faith.

And for the record, you dont neet a tail, collar etc, you dont need to draw symbols on your body to show off to have some "therian pride" its all nonsense. Those do not make you a therian, as repeatedly on this post "your therianthropy is you". Things like that will draw unwanted attention to yourself just like you did with your parents.

So the simple solution is to just stop.

On that note, I'm Christian and never told my parents when I found out. I did tell my mother eventually but not striaght up, more question like. And she didnt understand. I never told my father because I know how he is.

Rarely anyone here tells their parents (unless they are straight up hippies or something) because most here understand the consequences. But we had quite a few kids complaing about either getting caught or blabbing about therians. But since this is constant trend, I may have to make a thread about this later.

[Seraphyna]

I'm guessing you're a teenager...this is a pretty common dynamic between a parent and a teen when the teen holds a belief that the parent doesn't understand.

You first have to understand that your mom, being a Christian, comes from a long line of guilt trips. My mother is the same way. Tries to guilt me about anything and everything. It's their issue, not yours, so try not to let it get to you. It's how they were raised.

When I was pagan (Wiccan of all paths), my mother thought I was worshipping the Devil or at least into some dark stuff. She thought the word "occult" essentially meant demon worship and oh god what was her daughter into. It took finally getting her to sit down and listen to get her to accept it for what it was (even though I'm sure she thought it was still a phase) and she eventually came to, in some way, embrace it. Now that I'm an atheist I think she wishes I'd go back to being pagan *chuckle*.

The bottom line is that you can either do your best to get her to understand or you can utterly hide it and make her believe it's a phase. If you choose the former, you will have to do your best to not get heated, not get upset, and smack her repeatedly with the truth until she has no choice but to accept it or be a loony. There are academic papers on therianthropy and plenty more on identity in general. If you choose the latter, you have to be vigilant to not let her see anything therianthropy related until she finally thinks the phase is over (then you can loosen up the restriction) or you're out of the house at college.

Good luck. Parents don't always make life easier.

[G.D.]

Well. Where to begin.

First and foremost I agree that it's generally a bad idea to tell your parents about such concepts for several reasons. People who are highly religious will obviously try to play into some sort of fear that whatever you're doing is against that religion. Secondly, and more importantly, you should never try and represent something you aren't prepared to defend. If you can't explain the identity in an educated and factual manner with all of it's ins and outs for the specific way you identify, it's probably a bad idea to tell people about it.

Secondly, being a therian is a not a fashion statement. None of us wear tails. The serious and older members don't wear 'gear', because that's not what being Otherkin is about. There may of course be some exceptions as people do find certain objects help with their species dysphoria. But really outside of that you don't need to wear anything or draw symbols to be a therian because that's not what it's about. ... Neither are wolf 'dens'.

Additionally... the therian symbol is a mixture of Theta and Delta. A poor one at that, considering the Greek for it was misused. But, that's all they are. Greek letters. You and your mother get your religion from Greek roots that were stolen by the Romans. Remind her of that next time she tries to talk about what symbols mean what.

I'd advise against bringing it up around your parents again. And any close friends. Until you're well rounded enough in the concepts and community to be able to accurately defend the identity it's just a bad idea to talk about it. That goes for basically any one subject, belief system, or life style though. I don't openly talk about being an Odinist because I'm not that well rounded in it yet. And until I get a better handle on everything that lifestyle means, I won't try to educate people on it nor will I really bring it up without warrant. It's just like that.

[Deleted]

Actually, I'd like to add in, it's best not to try to educate them on anything at the moment, even about their own religion (that might get you a "go to your room", a slap on the mouth, more arguing etc). Especially if they are hard headed (I have a very stubborn father.) What pisses off a parent is having a kid telling them that they are wrong, especially when it comes to something that they dont understand but THEY think they understand. They always want to be right about something.

I'm 25YR, so even as an adult, when I do try to tell my father about certain things, he wants to be right, he plays stupid, he argues etc. There is no way I can get through that thick head of his. So, its best to just not talk to them about certain topics. Its not like they need to know.

[Cayo]

Parents are parents, and I think that a lot of them simply worry about their children and hope that they become good, loving adults. I would personally say you should understand their point of view. That doesn't mean they're right or wrong, but it will give you an idea as to why they are scared or "angry". Therianthropy isn't really known outside of the internet and to hear that somebody identifies as non-human on an integral level can be jarring and lead to people believing it to be a religious view, witchcraft, or nutso-talk. Your parents are probably scared for your well being and worry about you. It's a parent's job to worry. Should they be worrying in the way they are? Probably not. Should they be this mean to you? Heck no. But the basis for the conflict is understanding their views about it.

I agree with @misae , this is not the time to educate them on their own religious views or therianthropy. There is a lot of friction in the air, and it may cause some problems. You should probably wait to give them information. TO top that off, I definitely agree with the others on finding academic papers and understand your views to a tee. You can't have a discussion when you have no foundation for your point of view or your belief. It will end in a burning heap. Once you have found yourself with information and you and your parents are finally calmed, then would be the time to set up an hour or so and discuss Therianthropy without any interruptions or rudeness from either side. Be serious when you talk with them about Therianthropy and do not stoop to their level of insults or ridicule. Don't even bring up their "wrongness in Christianity". That could be taken as you backhanding them and being disrespectful. That also could potentially weaken your argument. Bring out your information, talk to them. Answer their questions. Tell them you understand their worry and you still love them and that you still are a devote Christian despite your beliefs. Be thorough, be loving.

I don't think you telling them was a really good idea. I am also a fairly devoted Christian with a very Christian household. I would never tell my parents, despite me being an adult and out of the house. It's taken them around 5-6 years to accept me dressing in Gothic clothing-- imagine if they knew I was a therian! They don't need to know your identity, unless it becomes unhealthy, or effects you or anyone else in a harmful and negative way.

On the topic of "gear" and "dens" there are plenty of ways for you to express yourself in a very subtle manner, without those two things. You can join sports that emulate how your theriotype moves-- cross country or track would work wonders for a wolf theriotype, trust me! You can write poetry or create art, read books about your theriotype to get educated on it all (or read fiction so you can imagine yourself as the character), keep a sketch book to draw to your heart's desire, go for hikes and bike rides... You can wear wolf t-shirts or have a necklace you wear (not a collar as that's a really obvious indicator), you can have wolf tail keychains that can be put on your purse so it's a purse accessory and nobody would know the wiser. There is a lot; and no one will care. It's average and out not out of the ordinary. Plenty of therians have 9-5 jobs and support a family or work office jobs or teaching jobs. Nobody know about them because they are subtle about it. They are still as therian as anybody else. Learn from that. You don't always need a badge showing your identity.

I think you should reevaluate you "practices" in therianthropy. It's not something you should parade around, especially if close people-- such as your parents-- react to it in a negative way. Read and take to heart what both @geist and Seraphyna say. They know what they are talking about and have your best interest at heart.

There are Christian Therian forums out there, and I suggest you look some of them up. They have good information on how they balance their religious practices and Therianthropy and may have a more finite religious based way of how to talk to your parents. Some aren't super active but the members still float around.

I hope this helped a little bit!!!

~Cayo

[Deleted]

Cayo Couldn't have said it better. I highly agree with everything she said here.

[Stella]

Dec 15, 2016 19:01:39 GMT @misae said:

Well, obviously your first mistake was telling your parents. And its obvious that your repeated actions caused problems. What you should've learnt the first time is to stop telling them. You gave them signals about therianthropy which was also ignorant.

You can not reason with them and its not just Chirstian parents that can be hard headed, its most parents( mainly the ones that come from a certain era), it doesn't matter the faith.

And for the record, you dont neet a tail, collar etc, you dont need to draw symbols on your body to show off to have some "therian pride" its all nonsense. Those do not make you a therian, as repeatedly on this post "your therianthropy is you". Things like that will draw unwanted attention to yourself just like you did with your parents.

So the simple solution is to just stop.

On that note, I'm Christian and never told my parents when I found out. I did tell my mother eventually but not striaght up, more question like. And she didnt understand. I never told my father because I know how he is.

Rarely anyone here tells their parents (unless they are straight up hippies or something) because most here understand the consequences. But we had quite a few kids complaing about either getting caught or blabbing about therians. But since this is constant trend, I may have to make a thread about this later.

So to question about kids who do tell their parents are hippies? Are you implying I am a hippie? And I actually don't wear my tail that much anymore to hide it and the only reason I draw on my body is because it's a coping mechanism for something much more serious. 

[Stella]

Dec 15, 2016 19:38:45 GMT Seraphyna said:

I'm guessing you're a teenager...this is a pretty common dynamic between a parent and a teen when the teen holds a belief that the parent doesn't understand.

You first have to understand that your mom, being a Christian, comes from a long line of guilt trips. My mother is the same way. Tries to guilt me about anything and everything. It's their issue, not yours, so try not to let it get to you. It's how they were raised.

When I was pagan (Wiccan of all paths), my mother thought I was worshipping the Devil or at least into some dark stuff. She thought the word "occult" essentially meant demon worship and oh god what was her daughter into. It took finally getting her to sit down and listen to get her to accept it for what it was (even though I'm sure she thought it was still a phase) and she eventually came to, in some way, embrace it. Now that I'm an atheist I think she wishes I'd go back to being pagan *chuckle*.

The bottom line is that you can either do your best to get her to understand or you can utterly hide it and make her believe it's a phase. If you choose the former, you will have to do your best to not get heated, not get upset, and smack her repeatedly with the truth until she has no choice but to accept it or be a loony. There are academic papers on therianthropy and plenty more on identity in general. If you choose the latter, you have to be vigilant to not let her see anything therianthropy related until she finally thinks the phase is over (then you can loosen up the restriction) or you're out of the house at college.

Good luck. Parents don't always make life easier.

Thank you Seraphyna that really was helpful advice. I totally understand what you mean by your parents thinking your into demon stuff my mom thinks that and it bugs me. I have stopped outwardly doing anything therian related and have hidden it inside. 

[Stella]

Dec 16, 2016 23:57:27 GMT Cayo said:

Parents are parents, and I think that a lot of them simply worry about their children and hope that they become good, loving adults. I would personally say you should understand their point of view. That doesn't mean they're right or wrong, but it will give you an idea as to why they are scared or "angry". Therianthropy isn't really known outside of the internet and to hear that somebody identifies as non-human on an integral level can be jarring and lead to people believing it to be a religious view, witchcraft, or nutso-talk. Your parents are probably scared for your well being and worry about you. It's a parent's job to worry. Should they be worrying in the way they are? Probably not. Should they be this mean to you? Heck no. But the basis for the conflict is understanding their views about it.

I agree with @misae , this is not the time to educate them on their own religious views or therianthropy. There is a lot of friction in the air, and it may cause some problems. You should probably wait to give them information. TO top that off, I definitely agree with the others on finding academic papers and understand your views to a tee. You can't have a discussion when you have no foundation for your point of view or your belief. It will end in a burning heap. Once you have found yourself with information and you and your parents are finally calmed, then would be the time to set up an hour or so and discuss Therianthropy without any interruptions or rudeness from either side. Be serious when you talk with them about Therianthropy and do not stoop to their level of insults or ridicule. Don't even bring up their "wrongness in Christianity". That could be taken as you backhanding them and being disrespectful. That also could potentially weaken your argument. Bring out your information, talk to them. Answer their questions. Tell them you understand their worry and you still love them and that you still are a devote Christian despite your beliefs. Be thorough, be loving.

I don't think you telling them was a really good idea. I am also a fairly devoted Christian with a very Christian household. I would never tell my parents, despite me being an adult and out of the house. It's taken them around 5-6 years to accept me dressing in Gothic clothing-- imagine if they knew I was a therian! They don't need to know your identity, unless it becomes unhealthy, or effects you or anyone else in a harmful and negative way.

On the topic of "gear" and "dens" there are plenty of ways for you to express yourself in a very subtle manner, without those two things. You can join sports that emulate how your theriotype moves-- cross country or track would work wonders for a wolf theriotype, trust me! You can write poetry or create art, read books about your theriotype to get educated on it all (or read fiction so you can imagine yourself as the character), keep a sketch book to draw to your heart's desire, go for hikes and bike rides... You can wear wolf t-shirts or have a necklace you wear (not a collar as that's a really obvious indicator), you can have wolf tail keychains that can be put on your purse so it's a purse accessory and nobody would know the wiser. There is a lot; and no one will care. It's average and out not out of the ordinary. Plenty of therians have 9-5 jobs and support a family or work office jobs or teaching jobs. Nobody know about them because they are subtle about it. They are still as therian as anybody else. Learn from that. You don't always need a badge showing your identity.

I think you should reevaluate you "practices" in therianthropy. It's not something you should parade around, especially if close people-- such as your parents-- react to it in a negative way. Read and take to heart what both @geist and Seraphyna say. They know what they are talking about and have your best interest at heart.

There are Christian Therian forums out there, and I suggest you look some of them up. They have good information on how they balance their religious practices and Therianthropy and may have a more finite religious based way of how to talk to your parents. Some aren't super active but the members still float around.

I hope this helped a little bit!!!

~Cayo

Thanks Cayo it helped a ton. To reguard your statement I do deeply regret telling my parents it was so dumb of me. And yeah they are totally worried but it's whatever. I don't wear my tail to flaunt around my new identity. I am very shy when it comes to showing to real me. I only wore it to help me embrace myself although wearing it front of my parents clearly wasn't the best idea.
   I use my den actually as a safe place for myself and as a stress reliever. It's my special thinking place after a stressful day. I just call it my little wolf den because it's so cozy and I shifted a few times while being in there. I do not wear my collar at all anymore it was a temporary embracing mechanism I granted myself but as I have accepted who I am I no longer needed it.
    Finally I already run cross country and I feel absolutely so free with it. Sadly my season is over though. Thanks for all your advice! 

[Deleted]

@stella No that wasn't in a literal sense. Dont take that part seriously.

[Stella]

Dec 19, 2016 2:02:56 GMT @misae said:

@stella No that wasn't in a literal sense. Dont take that part seriously.

Well when you say something like that I kind of do take it seriously so pardon that. Clearly I made a mistake but I don't need to constantly be reminded of it. I think I made a mistake posting this thread.  

[arcticwolf30]

My parents tried to send me to a mental hospital at first!! I needed to make them understand. I needed to have them accept me because I was adopted from poland (sorry if I slip up on my English. Even though I’ve been here in America for quite some time English is still hard to remember so sometimes I say or spell words wrong or replace English words with polish ones) I kept thinking of ways to make them believe me and in the end it was as simple as showing them literature and information about therians. I’m catholic and my parents are big on that. They thought I was possessed or worshiping Satan (ughhh they actually believe in that stuff) obvi I wasn’t. Once I calmly told them that being a therian doesn’t mean I’m into Satan or anything and they seemed to calm down. In fact for my 16th birthday so long ago they bought me 4 beautiful tails to wear and also helped me make my own!! The one we made together is my favorite because it’s white like my theriotype wolf and I wear it everyday everywhere I go even to church. I’m much much older now and they still support me. After all therians are born the way they are and it’s not a choice. Explain it to them show them information about therians be patient and try not to get mad at them. Sometimes people fear what they don’t understand. I wish you well my fellow wolf therian!! And take it one day at a time!!🐺🐾🐺

[kitty]

I honestly don’t know where to begin

I think I was lucky. My parents were all ears when I started talking about me being a therian. There response was a pleasant one. “As long as your happy, we’re happy.” I understand this is not the case for everyone. What I would do is to try and keep your cool, and find someone who is willing to listen. I still haven’t told my extended family or friends yet. I know this is probably not helpful, but I’m still going to post it

[bellafoxhearted]

Hi there. I'm a Christian as well, but I do not identify as a therian, I am a other hearted. I recommend talking to a friend, praying, or you could talk to people on here if you feel safe too. It's ok to not always agree with your parents, It's normal. But understand that no matter what, God loves you, or there is someone out there who loves you. Please do not feel ashamed of who you are, and know you are beautiful. Please stay safe. I hope this helps